anomaly_research_nerd (
anomaly_research_nerd) wrote2023-05-17 04:17 am
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MHA 13- Late Wednesday Night
Connor was already beginning to regret the decision to go drinking that night. His head was pounding and even the light inside the apartment complex seemed far too bright. It wasnt one of his smarter moves, but Connor hadn't been able to just sit in the apartment and stew any longer. The drinks had helped take the edge off of things, numb the pain for a little while at least. Now maybe he would be able to sleep for once... if he was lucky.
Muttering to himself as he got up to his floor, Connor fished the keys out of his pocket and headed for his flat. But he stopped short in the hallway as he looked towards his flat and to the all-too-familiar one across the hall. Was that... Nick?
(For the ex- who has been gently modded with permission!)
Muttering to himself as he got up to his floor, Connor fished the keys out of his pocket and headed for his flat. But he stopped short in the hallway as he looked towards his flat and to the all-too-familiar one across the hall. Was that... Nick?
(For the ex- who has been gently modded with permission!)
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He hadn't even heard Connor come up the stairs, he stirred slightly and murmured but he kept his eyes closed.
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After standing there another minute or two, Connor sighed and put his own keys back into his pocket and slowly walked over to where Cutter was sitting in the doorway. He looked down at him and felt a twinge of... something... deep inside before he gently kicked at Cutter' foot trying to wake him up.
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That doesn't mean YOU don't have to make the right choice NOW... Connor reminded himself with a heavy sigh. And eventually, he bent down and put a hand on Cutter's shoulder, and gave him a gentle shake.
"Nick. Come'on... You can't sleep out here in the hallway."
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He barely remembered how he had even gotten to his flat, "I ... I dropped my key, I couldn't get in ..." he made no effort to stand up.
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"Come on.. let's get you inside at least.... save whatever dignity we have left after this night" Connor said dryly, knowing he had almost ended up in as bad of shape as Cutter. Connor reached down to try and grab Cutter's arm and get him to his feet so he could get the door unlocked for him.
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So much for this just being a matter of getting the door opened for Nick...
"Come on.. let's get you inside" Connor said as he reluctantly slipped his arm around Cutter and started moving them inside the flat.
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"We... can talk later, ok, Nick?" Connor said as he got them over to the couch and helped Cutter sit down. "Not... not right now. Later."
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His head was hurting and he leaned his head against the side of the couch, he was also not really aware of what he was saying and he would definitely not have been that honest if he hadn't drank so much.
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"I... I know. I do too" he said softly. "But not now. Later, Ok?"
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"Okay," Cutter said in a very tired, pained voice as he tried to get comfortable on the couch, "we can talk later,"
He really missed Connor but his thoughts were too jumbled up and conflicted to article his feelings, he had trouble talking about his feelings when he was sober, he had no hope when he was drunk.
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Connor left and when he returned a few minutes later he had a bottle of water from Cutter's fridge (thankfully there were still some of those in there) and some pain pills.
"Here" he said, his voice going a bit soft, betraying the own conflicting feelings he felt churning inside.
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All he knew was that he missed Connor, he missed being with him and he was feeling particularly lonely right then.
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"You're welcome, Nick" he said. "You... gotta take care of yourself... ok?" he asked, trying to keep the concern out of his voice that he felt as he looked at the state Cutter was in.
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He swayed a little and tried to keep his balance.
"I ..I will..." he managed to slur. "Sorry, just ... I'm tired, I thought ... tried to ...thought it would help ..." his voice trailed off, unsure of what to say.
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He froze for a moment trying to get his brain to process what was happening. Connor's hand reached up toward Cutter. But instead of reaching to pull him closer he laid a hand on Cutter's chest to stop him.
"Nick... We can't.." he said softly with a sad almost disappointed look. He really did miss Cutter, but he was still sober enough to know this was a very risky path they were walking.
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"Oh," he deflated, his eyes downcast, "I ... I miss you though, I miss ... us," he sounded pleading but he didn't try to lean in and kiss Connor again. He was aware enough to realise that Connor wasn't interested in kissing him and it hurt but he did understand.
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He didn't know what else to say right then, he felt really awkward, "I ... I guess I should sit down then?" it was taking a lot of effort to stand right then.
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"We'll...talk later if you... If you want. " Connor reached out and gently pulled Cutter down so he'd sit before he fell.
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Cutter could only nod, as Connor helped sit down.
"I ... I would like that," he murmured softly, "thank you,"
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"Get some sleep" he said gently. "You'll feel better then."
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He had felt so bad about their fight and he wished he could apologise for it but he couldn't quite form the right words to say.
"Thank you," he said instead, "for ... for getting me here," he managed to get out.
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Connor watched as Cutter got comfortable. He waited for a couple minutes then stood slowly.
He wanted to stay, to talk, to figure all this out. But he had no idea how to even start.
"You'll be good by morning" Connor said though he knew that they both would likely be nursing major hangovers.
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"Miss you too" Connor said with a sad smile.
He grabbed the blanket that he was pretty sure Cutter had been sleeping in the last few days. He draped it over Cutter and gave a small smile as he started to turn away as Cutter drifted off again.
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Once he was out in the hallway, Connor leaned against the door and took a slow shaky breath. "Love you too..." he whispered softly, the conflicting feelings and emotions washing over him all over again as he slowly made the short trek across the hallway to his own flat.