MHA 13- Late Wednesday Night

[anomaly_research_nerd]

 Connor was already beginning to regret the decision to go drinking that night. His head was pounding and even the light inside the apartment complex seemed far too bright. It wasnt one of his smarter moves, but Connor hadn't been able to just sit in the apartment and stew any longer. The drinks had helped take the edge off of things, numb the pain for a little while at least. Now maybe he would be able to sleep for once... if he was lucky.

Muttering to himself as he got up to his floor, Connor fished the keys out of his pocket and headed for his flat. But he stopped short in the hallway as he looked towards his flat and to the all-too-familiar one across the hall. Was that... Nick?


(For the ex- who has been gently modded with permission!) 

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[anomaly_research_nerd]

"Easy there, Nick..." Connor said as he managed to get the door unlocked before he started sinking down again.

So much for this just being a matter of getting the door opened for Nick...

"Come on.. let's get you inside" Connor said as he reluctantly slipped his arm around Cutter and started moving them inside the flat.

[itsananomaly]

Cutter lead heavily against Connor for support as they started to move inside the flat, "yes, inside ... do you ... stay?" he asked hopefully as he struggled to stay upright, "we can talk?" he asked as he looked up at Connor, blinking up at him with tired eyes, "talking, I ... yes, that would be nice," he managed to get out.

[anomaly_research_nerd]

Connor bit his lip for a moment as he hesitated in the doorway. Shaking his head he moved them towards the couch, figuring Cutter wasn't going to make it very far on his own.

"We... can talk later, ok, Nick?" Connor said as he got them over to the couch and helped Cutter sit down. "Not... not right now. Later."

[itsananomaly]

"Miss talking to you," Cutter pouted as he sat down the couch, "I ... I miss you,"

His head was hurting and he leaned his head against the side of the couch, he was also not really aware of what he was saying and he would definitely not have been that honest if he hadn't drank so much.

[anomaly_research_nerd]

Connor bit his lip as he stood there. The conflicting voices screaming in his mind only grew louder. One told him to turn and walk out of the flat as fast as he could, the other told him to stay because he, too, missed Cutter.

"I... I know. I do too" he said softly. "But not now. Later, Ok?"

[itsananomaly]

Cutter stilled a little at hearing that and he looked up at Connor with a sad, longing expression , he wished so much that things could be different.

"Okay," Cutter said in a very tired, pained voice as he tried to get comfortable on the couch, "we can talk later,"

He really missed Connor but his thoughts were too jumbled up and conflicted to article his feelings, he had trouble talking about his feelings when he was sober, he had no hope when he was drunk.

[anomaly_research_nerd]

"Aye, we will... I... promise" Connor said, not totally convinced he meant it. "stay there, I'll be right back."

Connor left and when he returned a few minutes later he had a bottle of water from Cutter's fridge (thankfully there were still some of those in there) and some pain pills.

"Here" he said, his voice going a bit soft, betraying the own conflicting feelings he felt churning inside.

[itsananomaly]

Cutter blinked up at Connor, as he handed him the water and pills, he forced himself to sit up as he gratefully took them, "thank you," he said softly as he took the pills and a mouthful of water, "thank you," he said again, "for .. for this, for tonight ... I ..." he stared at Connor, falling silent as he couldn't think of the words through the pain that was in his head.

All he knew was that he missed Connor, he missed being with him and he was feeling particularly lonely right then.

[anomaly_research_nerd]

Connor couldn't help the faint smile at that. He missed Cutter too... more than he cared to admit. And he knew some of that was the booze, but he also couldn't deny that it was rooted in the actual painful emptiness that had been left since he and Cutter had gotten back to Fandom and everything started falling apart.

"You're welcome, Nick" he said. "You... gotta take care of yourself... ok?" he asked, trying to keep the concern out of his voice that he felt as he looked at the state Cutter was in.

[itsananomaly]

Cutter nodded, "I ..." and then an idea began to form in his mind and he wasn't sure what quite possessed him to do this, he started to get back to his feet, "I ..."

He swayed a little and tried to keep his balance.

"I ..I will..." he managed to slur. "Sorry, just ... I'm tired, I thought ... tried to ...thought it would help ..." his voice trailed off, unsure of what to say.

[anomaly_research_nerd]

Connor watched, a confused look on his face as he watched Cutter try and stand. He didn't move or say anything but he was watching closely in case Cutter needed him.

[itsananomaly]

Cutter blinked a little but he managed to stand up and not fall back on the couch, "I ..." he started to say again and stopped, "I want you to stay, please," he tried and then there was another pause before he began to lean in close to Connor, to try and kiss him.

[anomaly_research_nerd]

Connor was about to tell Cutter no, he couldn't stay. But then he started to lean closer...and there was mo doubt in Connor's mind what Cutter intended.

He froze for a moment trying to get his brain to process what was happening. Connor's hand reached up toward Cutter. But instead of reaching to pull him closer he laid a hand on Cutter's chest to stop him.

"Nick... We can't.." he said softly with a sad almost disappointed look. He really did miss Cutter, but he was still sober enough to know this was a very risky path they were walking.

[itsananomaly]

Cutter had hoped that Connor was about to lean in and kiss him, especially once his hand was coming closer ... he remembered all those times Connor had pulled him into a kiss and his heart leapt and then he realised what Connor was saying.

"Oh," he deflated, his eyes downcast, "I ... I miss you though, I miss ... us," he sounded pleading but he didn't try to lean in and kiss Connor again. He was aware enough to realise that Connor wasn't interested in kissing him and it hurt but he did understand.

[anomaly_research_nerd]

"I know.. I... I miss us too" Connor said, a little more honestly than he might have intended. "But ... We're both drunk. This... This wouldn't be right," And Connor knew he was right. As good as it sounded and as nice as it might be, doing this now would just make things worse in the long run.

[itsananomaly]

"Oh," Cutter blinked tiredly, not able to meet Connor's eyes just then, "I ... I guess ..." he sounded a little unsure, he bit his lip, "I ... "

He didn't know what else to say right then, he felt really awkward, "I ... I guess I should sit down then?" it was taking a lot of effort to stand right then.

[anomaly_research_nerd]

Don't look at him like that... It wasn't fair. Connor felt guilty and conflicted.

"We'll...talk later if you... If you want. " Connor reached out and gently pulled Cutter down so he'd sit before he fell.

[itsananomaly]

Sorry Connor, Cutter would feel really bad about this later when he was sober and remembered all of this.

Cutter could only nod, as Connor helped sit down.

"I ... I would like that," he murmured softly, "thank you,"

[anomaly_research_nerd]

Connor nodded slowly and gave a small smile. Resisting the sudden urge to put a hand on Cutter's, he smiled and started to stand instead.

"Get some sleep" he said gently. "You'll feel better then."

[itsananomaly]

"Sleep ..." Cutter agreed tiredly, returning the small smile as he started to get comfortable on the couch, "sleep is good ... haven't been able to sleep, didn't sleep last night," He wasn't quite aware of what he was saying and he definitely wouldn't have been this honest if he hadn't drank so much.

He had felt so bad about their fight and he wished he could apologise for it but he couldn't quite form the right words to say.

"Thank you," he said instead, "for ... for getting me here," he managed to get out.

[anomaly_research_nerd]

Connor gave a small smile. "You're welcome".

Connor watched as Cutter got comfortable. He waited for a couple minutes then stood slowly.

He wanted to stay, to talk, to figure all this out. But he had no idea how to even start.

"You'll be good by morning" Connor said though he knew that they both would likely be nursing major hangovers.

[itsananomaly]

Cutter nodded tiredly from where he was starting to fall asleep again, "okay," he said, managed to look up at Connor as he did, "I ... this was nice ... being together with you ... missed this .. missed us," he mumbled, the words slurring together as he felt sleep began to take its hold, "love you," it slipped out before he could stop it.

[anomaly_research_nerd]

That 'I love you' hit like aa knife to his heart. It took a moment before he could move or even breathe again.

"Miss you too" Connor said with a sad smile.

He grabbed the blanket that he was pretty sure Cutter had been sleeping in the last few days. He draped it over Cutter and gave a small smile as he started to turn away as Cutter drifted off again.

[itsananomaly]

Cutter had his eyes closed but gave a very tired smile as the blanket was draped around him and it wasn’t long at all before he fell asleep.

[anomaly_research_nerd]

Connor stood there for a moment before making himself turn around and head toward the door. He hesitated for a moment and then with a quick glance over his shoulder, he walked out and closed and locked the door behind him.

Once he was out in the hallway, Connor leaned against the door and took a slow shaky breath. "Love you too..." he whispered softly, the conflicting feelings and emotions washing over him all over again as he slowly made the short trek across the hallway to his own flat.